Confirmation

In light of my last blog, which was pretty depressing, I thought I'd fill you (all 3 of my followers hehe) in on what's been going on in my heart since that day.

For months I've been tormented with the thoughts - When am I going to be done with set-backs and health issues? Where do I go from here? Which option is the RIGHT option? How do I move on from my experiences and use them to achieve my goals? What ARE my goals?  Why am I not hearing anything from God???

At first I was blindly impulsive, taking the bait from anywhere that presented a potential change for me. I found myself committing to things before even thinking them through, then realizing I wasn't ready or it wasn't the right thing for me at the time. Then I began to pursue different opportunities, jumping ahead of the reality of the situations, thinking they were solidly going to happen - only to find those doors being slammed right in my face. That's when I began to feel that "stuck in quicksand" feeling. I was going nowhere, trying to scramble out and move on but the faster I moved the deeper I sank. I was stuck in the mud. That's where I found myself on Sunday with the last blog... the very bottom.

That all changed in the blink of an eye just a few days ago. It just dawned on me out of nowhere. Well, not really. It was when a friend of mine posted a verse on facebook that spoke right to me. And well, it started to dawn on me but I went through a few more days of self-torture before I finally accepted the truth. And the truth is... it's simple. 

All this time I've been trying to decipher all these "signs" - wondering what God was saying through this and that, and worrying about everyone else's opinions and thoughts and feelings (as well as my own) as to what I should do next... The fact that everyone seemed to have completely different opinions on everything concerning my life was starting to make my head spin and second guess myself about every thought and decision I made.


But oh my gosh!! Once I realized the simplicity of it all it was like a giant boulder had been removed from my shoulders. What a relief it was to realize and know there's no need to decipher inbetween every single line and read into every little thing trying to find some hidden meaning. I'm confident in the fact that the God I believe in happens to be a pretty straight forward one. Doors are opened, and doors are closed. Sometimes there's more then one open door, and it's just a matter of weighing your options and making a decision. 


For me it's letting go of that pride of mine and accepting the fact that maybe where I'm supposed to be at this time in my life may not be what I had planned for myself... but, it's what's best. For now. Not just for me, but for everyone around.

 Maybe I need to be at home to completely recover and get through these lingering medical issues. Maybe my family needs me, as we're going through a hard time with my grandparents. Maybe my grandparents need me - whether or not they know I'm there - it's the least I can do after all they've been to me when I was a child. Maybe my friends need me, as some are getting ready to bring a new life into the world and others are seeking a fresh start after their life plans have been brought to an abrupt halt... and others are getting married and starting a whole new chapter.

 Maybe I need to commit to being home for a while - something that's way more difficult then up and leaving any chance I get.

Maybe I need to learn to commit for a while in order to relentlessly pursue my dreams and goals - which will take a while to attain, but most likely knock everyone's socks off when I get there ;-).

So yeah... I'm ok. Finally. Things might still be rough here and there, but I have this overwhelming calmness. And... excitement for what's to come...

~HEBREWS 12:11~