Reasons to LIKE Cleveland...

I've noticed that I do a lot of complaining about Cleveland... but really... it's not that bad. And considering I've been accepted to Baldwin Wallace it seems I'm going to stick around here for a while, so I need to start looking at the cup as half-full. Cleveland is really not that bad. First I'll just say that a lot until I start believing it. But really - all joking aside... we have a lot to appreciate here. So here are a few things I've come up with to share with you all (whether you're from here or not) as to why we should love the great city of Cleveland.

• No Natural Disasters - Aside from the occasional 'severe storm' we are free from ever having to worry about earthquakes (significant ones, at least), hurricanes, wildfires or tsunamis.
• Dick Goddard - just in case of the event of a catastrophic weather condition, we've had him around for the past 90 years to warn us about it.
• 4 Lovely Seasons - if it weren't for the 6 months of lake effect snow and negative temperatures and the sun setting at 4:30 pm, we wouldn't appreciate the first hints of spring and then our balmy summers so much. Plus we can throw warm drinks outside in the snow and in 5 minutes they're chilled! And honestly, it doesn't get much better then the months of September and October when our trees are in full color and the Brown's begin "their best season yet..." - just as they always do.
• Live Music - there are tons of dive bars and musical venues to attend. Parkview Nightclub is at the top of my list with open-mic night on Wednesday nights and featured artists on the weekends. Plus great food and atmosphere - feels like family every time I go, which is pretty much every week. Yep, "We're allll their sisters..." when we walk through the doors.
• Little Italy - amazing food and wine. Plus the Feast of the Assumption every year which, if you've ever been, always turns out to be a complete riot by 11 pm.
• Severance Hall - home of our world-known Cleveland Orchestra. It's an amazing building, the architecture and interior gives Carnegie Hall a run for it's money... and it's in an amazing location right next to the Museum of Art, which is another great (free) attraction that C-town has to offer.
• Coventry - Big Fun, Tommy's, The Grog Shop, with a ton of other things to do. My favorite place is The Cave, a wine bar with hundreds of different wine to try along with an eclectic assortment of bottled beers...
• Great Lakes Brewery - life would not be the same without Christmas Ale.
• The "FREE" Stamp - if you don't know, come visit and I'll take you there. Woo hoo.
• Metroparks - rivers, hiking trails, gorges, just some really great places to spend outside.
• Neighbors Who Help You Shovel Your Drive or Pull You Out of a Ditch - they know you'd repay the favor... and most likely at some point you'll have no choice
• Lake Erie Lighthouse - it freezes into an unrecognizable blob and attracts tourists from all over... Cleveland.
• Liberties in Solon... Maple Heights... Parma... Vermillion... UHMMMMMMMMM
• My Family - they're pretty cool. Yet another reason Cleveland Rocks, and why you should come visit if you don't live here. Our door is always open!
• Respect for the "Day of Rest" - nothing is open on Sunday. Ever. So if you are trying to show people around this lovely city, make sure you do it on Friday or Saturday night. And take full advantage of the fact that there is nothing to do on a Sunday.

So. Have I convinced you to come here yet??

How about now??

Confirmation

In light of my last blog, which was pretty depressing, I thought I'd fill you (all 3 of my followers hehe) in on what's been going on in my heart since that day.

For months I've been tormented with the thoughts - When am I going to be done with set-backs and health issues? Where do I go from here? Which option is the RIGHT option? How do I move on from my experiences and use them to achieve my goals? What ARE my goals?  Why am I not hearing anything from God???

At first I was blindly impulsive, taking the bait from anywhere that presented a potential change for me. I found myself committing to things before even thinking them through, then realizing I wasn't ready or it wasn't the right thing for me at the time. Then I began to pursue different opportunities, jumping ahead of the reality of the situations, thinking they were solidly going to happen - only to find those doors being slammed right in my face. That's when I began to feel that "stuck in quicksand" feeling. I was going nowhere, trying to scramble out and move on but the faster I moved the deeper I sank. I was stuck in the mud. That's where I found myself on Sunday with the last blog... the very bottom.

That all changed in the blink of an eye just a few days ago. It just dawned on me out of nowhere. Well, not really. It was when a friend of mine posted a verse on facebook that spoke right to me. And well, it started to dawn on me but I went through a few more days of self-torture before I finally accepted the truth. And the truth is... it's simple. 

All this time I've been trying to decipher all these "signs" - wondering what God was saying through this and that, and worrying about everyone else's opinions and thoughts and feelings (as well as my own) as to what I should do next... The fact that everyone seemed to have completely different opinions on everything concerning my life was starting to make my head spin and second guess myself about every thought and decision I made.


But oh my gosh!! Once I realized the simplicity of it all it was like a giant boulder had been removed from my shoulders. What a relief it was to realize and know there's no need to decipher inbetween every single line and read into every little thing trying to find some hidden meaning. I'm confident in the fact that the God I believe in happens to be a pretty straight forward one. Doors are opened, and doors are closed. Sometimes there's more then one open door, and it's just a matter of weighing your options and making a decision. 


For me it's letting go of that pride of mine and accepting the fact that maybe where I'm supposed to be at this time in my life may not be what I had planned for myself... but, it's what's best. For now. Not just for me, but for everyone around.

 Maybe I need to be at home to completely recover and get through these lingering medical issues. Maybe my family needs me, as we're going through a hard time with my grandparents. Maybe my grandparents need me - whether or not they know I'm there - it's the least I can do after all they've been to me when I was a child. Maybe my friends need me, as some are getting ready to bring a new life into the world and others are seeking a fresh start after their life plans have been brought to an abrupt halt... and others are getting married and starting a whole new chapter.

 Maybe I need to commit to being home for a while - something that's way more difficult then up and leaving any chance I get.

Maybe I need to learn to commit for a while in order to relentlessly pursue my dreams and goals - which will take a while to attain, but most likely knock everyone's socks off when I get there ;-).

So yeah... I'm ok. Finally. Things might still be rough here and there, but I have this overwhelming calmness. And... excitement for what's to come...

~HEBREWS 12:11~

Put a fork in me...

... 'cause I'm done.

I need to be honest. I don't care if one person reads this or 50... I need to write it and get it off my chest... somehow, anyways. So here's my heart.

I'm scared. There, I said it.

I'm scared to let go of the past.

I'm scared to let people know how I really feel.

I'm scared to face friends and family who love me, because they can see that I'm struggling, which I don't like to let people know. I can hide it really well, actually.

I'm even scared to face people I might not know very well, but intimidate me nonetheless... Those who, I can tell, would have no problem calling out the 'best' in me, even if that means cutting to the quick. Which means calling out things I am scared to hear/accept. So I'm just scared.

I'm scared to face the facts.

I'm scared to face the reality of the fact that I almost died and didn't. 

I'm scared to face those that have lost someone who had a family; children and a spouse; when I didn't have any of those things. I managed to live when someone else's spouse/parent/sibling didn't. Why?? It just doesn't seem fair. And it hurts... in a way I almost feel guilty. I know, it probably seems ridiculous, but I can't help it. And I'm a coward because while I want to confront my feelings, instead I look for any way to avoid them if at all possible. I might be the only one feeling this way or seeing the situation from this angle, but I can't help it. I do... and that's something I need to work through.

I know God is real, and I know He spared my life. I've been home 8 months - exactly as long as the amount of time I spent on the race.

It's time to move forward... so forgive me if I've acted strange, or distant. But I'm done 'faking' being OK. I just can't do it anymore. I'm working through a lot, and I know that I'll overcome this. It might be messy, but I'll get there. Maybe I'm not sure just yet of how to completely get there, but I'm in the process of figuring it out. I'm not simply 'the girl who had malaria'... there's a lot more to me then that. The past is not something that defines me - It's something that has molded me into the person I am today, but not something that holds me back from achieving the dreams and goals that I'm setting out to attain.

So... yeah. There you have it...

Bear with me...

love you all.

Whatever Happened...?

So I'm sitting here, with my glass of red, listening to my Vocal/Standards station on pandora... and it's making me quite nostalgic. Even wistful... And I can't help but think about all those things that just "aren't" anymore.

I mean, whatever happened to the music... the music that was sung with passion by someone who could actually sing... the music that, when you heard it, took you to another place; a memory, a feeling, a different time, a daydream... You just can't top Louis Armstrong and What a Wonderful World, or Ella Fitzgerald and At Last. There is no one that even comes close to them in our generation...

Whatever happened to good old fashioned romance?

Whatever happened to men tipping their hats and holding the door open for a pretty lady?

Whatever happened to ladies?

Whatever happened to dancing? Somewhere along the way it's gone from swing and ballroom dancing to, for lack of a better word, the booty roll... now don't worry, i'm not judging here. Just wondering ;-)

And then there's the things from my childhood that I miss, or occasionally think about. Like,

- Trapper Keepers
- Slap Bracelets
- Nintendo and Gameboy... the originals.
- Zach Morriss
- High Tops
- Kenny Lofton, Omar Vizquel, Carlos Baerga, Eddie Murray, Jim Thome, Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, Tony Pena... well you get the point by now... (if you're from Ohio...)
- Salt-n-Peppa
- En Vogue
- The Macarena
- Punky Brewster
- Alf
- Goosebumps
- Captain Planet
- "WHOA" and "You're in trouuuubbblle Mister!!!"
- Pinky and the Brain
- SIKE!!!! or NOTTTT!!
- "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
- The Oregon Trail
- Hey Dude... Ted, especially haha
- Leg warmers
- wrist warmers
- perms
- the Backstreet Boys
- Family Ties
-Who's the Boss

Ohhh the list goes on... I will stop myself here...

This blog goes out to you, children of the 80's and 90's...

"It's never safe to be nostalgic about something until you're absolutely certain there's no chance of its coming back."  ~Bill Vaughn